1) As I lie in my piss-soaked trousers, eating a carelessly discarded carton of what I think may be shrimp fried rice, I decided to decant the bottle of Mad Dog that I’ve been hoarding for several weeks now. After smelling the underside of the aluminum cap I was brought back to childhood days where drinking Kool-Aid in the one-bedroom apartment I shared with six people was a pleasure.

2) I splashed a small test sip into a wiped out 8 oz. McDonald’s coffee cup. After throwing down the first swaggle, I was reminded of the first time I drank Aqua Velva through eight slices of Wonder Bread. The wine gods must have been smiling down on the Mad Dog plant the day this batch screamed off the assembly line.

3) My initial thoughts as this product first touched my palate reminded me of the time I passed out drunk face first into a produce stand.

My afterthoughts are:

* Next time I pair this particular variety, it will most likely be with whatever crumbs someone did not chew off of a corn dog stick from Sonic. And possibly a two-day old rye bagel from the bakery.